Gone (But Not Forgotten)
by ncisduckie
Summary: Interiority for 16x13 "She." There were two possibilities regarding Ziva David: she could be with Tony and Tali or she could be without them. Either way, Ziva finds herself back in D.C. when she least expected. One thing's for certain. She's been gone, but she was never forgotten. TWO PARTS.
1. Alone

**Gone (But Not Forgotten) **

**~Apart~**

**A/N: This is a duo of scenarios regarding Ziva + the episode "She." Together and Apart (the latter being the first!). They're unrelated in scenario, yet bound by concept and I couldn't bear separate them. **

**I do not own NCIS. **

. . .

Keeping the distance was her weakness.

It wasn't supposed to be. By nature, she was trained to evade and hide and be perfectly invisible whilst in plain site. And while 'nature' was supposed like riding a bicycle, picking up her skills after so long was akin to riding a unicycle, instead.

It took a fool to deny the truth: Tony had been looking for her. For three years, she barely whisked herself away before he'd catch up to where she'd been. _Anticipating_. It was how he found her the last time. He knew her all too well. She was prepared this time.

Sometimes, when she gathered enough strength, she watched them from the shadows. Tony and Tali. _Their daughter_. Those words never failed to make her smile but her smile grew melancholic since she went incognito. Yes, _their _daughter. Except those words meant nothing since they weren't together. Not really. Not ever.

Now, Tali was _his_ daughter. And she herself was nothing more than a spectator of a life she could have had.

She forced herself to stay away no matter how much she wanted to give in to her deepest wishes and just...stay, settle, live with Tony. However, she would be unable to live with herself if anything happened to either him or Tali. She lived as a walking target and they didn't need to be casualties in a war on her.

But she tried to avoiding dwelling in the past and the could-be's unless absolutely necessary. _Like now_. Coming back to DC twisted the knife already in her gut. Not being able to be with her family hurt enough as it was. Seeing...seeing Gibbs and McGee reminded her that her family extended beyond the father of her, no, their, no, _his_ child. She also forwent the comfort of her pseudo-father and brother. Much like the first time in the US-she was a ghost (though she remembered fondly that Tony prefered the phrase 'ninja').

They'd constructed a new family since she'd been away and there was someone she'd never met sitting in her desk. She could only faintly wonder if they gave the pretty blonde an objection to her sitting there like had been the case when she had to replace Kate. She'd never know. All of Tony's correspondence since she'd left had remained unopened; it hurt too much to remember. Especially when Tali existed as a reminder of _what could have been_.

It was fate or coincidence that brought her back to D.C. as NCIS began to reinvestigate the Morgan Burke case. Except Gibbs taught her that coincidences did not exist. Things happened when they needed to... She needed to ensure Morgan finally received the justice she deserved.

She watched as Gibbs and McGee remained two steps behind her last attempt at the investigation back in 2013. They couldn't help it; it stumped her, too. But to her surprise (and absolute delight), the pretty woman who sat at her desk lit aflame with the same passion she'd once harbored as an NCIS agent.

Eleanor Bishop.

That was her name. She'd overheard it while she watched from the shadows. It was quickly evident that Eleanor was the one to watch in the investigation. She caught on with lightning sharp accuracy and managed to take the strides of her previous investigation in only a few quick bounds. She'd even found her secret, the place nobody knew about.

Whoever this Eleanor was, she was the real deal. The kind of agent she would have loved to be friends with if she had stayed at the agency (there she went again, contemplating the what-if's). She watched as she took every risk necessary to find Morgan. She watched as Robert Hill pointed a gun at her.

She'd known that if she had her gun, she would have been able to make that shot. Nonetheless, she made it out alive. With Morgan. Thankfully.

And the case was solved. Mostly.

Stealing the letter for Morgan's kidnapper was a risk. She had no contingency plan if everything turned south. But she made a promise, ghost or not. She intended to see it through even if it killed her for real this time.

Luckily, she survived. And the only person to suspect...the only person to walk into her web and respect its threads...was _her_. Eleanor. She could keep her secret.

So, she wrote to Eleanor, the pretty blonde who now sat in her desk, in careful lettering:

_For the safety of my family, please keep my secret. _

In the years following her attempted murder, Ziva David learned she hated being alone. More than anything in the entire world.

This homecoming tied up her loose strings at NCIS. Sure, the edges frayed just a bit with her letter. But it was tied in a pretty bow, nonetheless. She had no reason to return here. And she could trust this woman. The one who sat at her old desk. This would be enough.

It had to be.

**~FIN~ **

**Questions? Comments? Concerns? Leave a review! **

**(Part II, "Together" will be out...sometime next week. I hope.) **


	2. Together

**Gone (But Not Forgotten) **

**~Together~**

**A/N: I attempted to keep the same atmosphere with the different plot. If you haven't guessed, this is the version where Tony found Ziva before "She." **

**Once again, I do not own NCIS. But thanks for letting me play in the sandbox. **

**. . .**

She listened to the voicemails until she could recite them in her sleep.

Hearing McGee's voice was a twist of the knife. Sure, she'd overheard Tony occasionally talking with him since he'd caught up with her after her so-called death. But as the years went on, she knew he kept the conversations with their old co-worker short and infrequent. Not only for their safety but also for her sake. Hearing about NCIS made her wish that she wasn't technically dead. It made her want to go back.

As things were, she shouldn't have ever been this close to temptation. It wasn't her plan to keep Tony and Tali at her side but, dammit, she'd earned reprise from her loneliness! Is that not what she deserved after keeping to herself for so many years?

Tony had lied so sweetly to her that she couldn't have turned him away even if she wanted to. _I can't have our daughter live without a mother. And there will never be anybody that could replace the hole you left in my heart_. It was a line straight from a romance, though she'd been unable to discern which one. She'd watched many since they reunited and yet the answer never came to her.

They hid from everyone from their past lives. Technically, Anthony DiNozzo lived with Tali and his father in some estate in Paris but you'd be hard pressed to actually find them there. DiNozzo Sr. was the picture of discretion and though he harbored his suspicions, never asked where Tony and his daughter spent the duration of their time.

It was hard; especially with little Tali. They had to move as often as Orli instructed, shifting between covers just as the previous one became comfortable. Only in the whispers of the night could they be themselves.

Those were the moments she cherished most.

And now, she found herself being drawn back to D.C. though she hadn't returned since she initially left. Even with Tony there...she had never felt the need to go. But now? Now she could hear the whispers beckon her and they sounded like McGee (though she would never admit that to Tony).

The Morgan Burke case. It was her technical failure as a Probie and she never allowed herself the respite of letting it go. There was a break in the case and she couldn't bring herself to stay away. She promised, _promised_, that she would redeem the missing girl. Morgan Burke would receive justice if it was the last thing she could do as Ziva David. And it would be.

He warned her to stay away. It would threaten their covers, he said. Of course he was right. But was there ever a situation where she listened to such a silly thing? Even if he was her love, she was still her own person. She was no longer an NCIS agent and she was no longer bound by the rules her boss had taught her over the years. _Do not become personally involved in a case_. It didn't matter because this wasn't technically a case to her and she could get as involved as she pleased.

Nobody could stop her. Not even Tony.

She left in the cover of the night. Gone before he could talk some sense into her because sense was the last thing she wanted. She wanted revenge. Luckily, she wasn't alone.

Tony told her about Eleanor "Ellie" Bishop, the spunky woman who had replaced her. But he failed to inform her of the pretty blonde's spectacular knack for getting too-involved. She'd managed to entwine herself into Morgan's case and caught up to her notes with impressive speed.

This Eleanor was the type of woman she wished she could have worked with in a different version of the world where she returned to NCIS. She was the type of woman who made her reconsider her life of hiding. A dangerous thought. Not dangerous enough, however, to keep her in the shadows. She'd found herself back at her workshop, barely dodging her old friends. Her evasion had grown rusty these past few years. Perhaps she'd grown too soft.

She watched from the shadows as Eleanor took every necessary risk to find Morgan. Every risk that led her right to the business end of Robert Hill's gun. She poised her own weapon, waiting for the son-of-a-bitch to give her the chance to shoot. Thankfully he didn't because she would have hated to see Eleanor go down.

Eleanor made it out with Morgan alive. And her case, the one that haunted her since 2013, was finally closed. Mostly. She still had one thing left to do.

Stealing the letter Morgan's mother left for the kidnapper was her biggest risk. There was no contingency plan if she was caught. Neither Orli or Tony would be able to whisk her away. But she made a promise and she intended to see it through, regardless of the risk.

It pained her to be unable to communicate with the others. But it had to be this way. She didn't fall into hiding just to blow it all on some sort of reunion. There wasn't a way to divulge her secret beyond completely wrecking the peace she'd cultivated over the past three years. So, yes, she had to keep her secret. Indefinitely, if she had to.

There was only one person who suspected anything. _Her_. Eleanor "Ellie" Bishop. Probably sharper than her own good. But she would hardly call that a bad thing. In fact, she admired it. And in a different world, she knew the two of them were fast friends with no secrets between them.

In this world, they could only be passing figures with secrets tainted with comradery. One day, she'd have to ask Tony to send her a gift on her behalf. She wrote to this woman, this Eleanor Bishop, with the highest confidence that her secret would be kept. If she wanted to spill, she would have done so by now.

_For the safety of my family, please keep my secret._

There were a lot of things Ziva David missed about NCIS. The found-family. The humanity. The closure she was able to offer. It brought her back to humanity. It found her the love of her life. In the distant, future, when her name was the barest whisper of a memory, perhaps she could return. And make amends for all she left behind.

But for now, this was all she could do.

She was back in bed with Tony before Eleanor even had the chance to find the letter.

**~FIN~ **

**A/N: You know, the more I think about it... the idea of Ziva never re-uniting with Tony and Tali makes "She" far more poignant. **

**Questions? Comments? Concerns? Leave a review! **


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